entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
