my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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