I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
