I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
