His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we made out on top of his cat.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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