apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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