I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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