pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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