I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
