my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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