Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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