um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
