Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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