he wants to bone in the snuggie
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
