another moral hangover. fuck.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize