he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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