I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
