Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
