listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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