The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
