my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
smell my finger.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
