I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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