We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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