mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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