Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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