ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
