i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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