Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
