You work out of a Hotel?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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