The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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