someone owes me an orgasm
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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