3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
