how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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