I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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