She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize