things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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