How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
