proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
