I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
