I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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