She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
