did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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