Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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