there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sorry about my life...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
