u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
