I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
