this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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