Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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