He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
