xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
