possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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