You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
