can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
