My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
