Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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