# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
