Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
