I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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