Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
