Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
