2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
