I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
