Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
