Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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