haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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